The Somewhat Confused Mind Of Captain Jack Sparrow
by silverhorizon
Summary: Thoughts from Jack's mind during the movie... you don't have to read my other story to understand this, but you might want to... first chapter, on the beach with Elizabeth, what was going on in Jack's crazy mind during that time? VERY FUNNY, r&r please.
1. Beach scene

A/N I do not own anything out of this story.  Especially Captain Jack Sparrow.  Excuse me while I sit in a dark corner and cry… *sobs* 

Anyways, I would just like to let you know that you do not have to read my other stories to understand this at all.  But, I would also like people to know that those of you who read The Mushy Mind of Captain Jack Sparrow, you will like this.  And for those of you, who haven't, go read it, because you will like it.  

This story is from Jack's perspective, and I'm going to skip around a bit, focus on different scenes from the movie. Or maybe not, but I don't really know… I'm writing this b cuz I'm bored and b cuz you ppls asked for more!  

Let's begin with the beach scene, shall we?  Oh, beach scenes are fun…  I love Jack's mind… hehe: D, enjoy!  (By the way, this is the second beach, with Elizabeth, during the movie)  

            ***~***

            My first thought was of the rum stash on the beach which I knew was somewhere around here.  I only had to find it… last time I was here, the rumrunners picked me up and told me how I could find it again…   

            I was aware of Elizabeth watching me.  Knew she can't resist me.  But I was looking at the Pearl sail away, with Barbossa and Will on it…

            That's the second time I've watched that man sail away with my ship.  I told this to Elizabeth, so she would understand… I think she wasn't really paying attention to what I was saying though.  

            "But you were marooned on this island before, weren't you? So we can escape in the same way you did then." Elizabeth said, following me as I tried to find that trapdoor.  I could remember the hollow tree, and… four paces… is that right?  I then remembered that Elizabeth was talking to me, and I turned to answer her.  

            "To what point and purpose, young missy? The Black Pearl is gone and unless you have a rudder and a lot of sails hidden in that bodice, unlikely, young Mr. Turner will be dead long before you can reach him."

          That would have been the perfect time for her to pull out a rudder and a lot of sails, because then I would know that this all was just a bloody nightmare… and that she has a beautifully skinny figure… maybe a little too thin, though.  And not very well to do assets.  Back to what I was saying…

            I mean, what point would there be in leaving?  I am perfectly fine with staying here… beautiful women, lots of rum… a loaded pistol… well, I suppose that when I get hungry I'll just pick up that pistol and…

            No.  No, Jack.  That pistol is for Elizabeth.  Be the gentleman and kill her first.  

            Actually, it's pretty likely that that is what will happen.  No living with this snobbish princess… nope, not my type of woman.  A good old Tortuga girl, that's what I need.  

            "But you're Captain Jack Sparrow. You vanished from under the eyes of seven agents of the East India Company. You sacked Nassau Port without even firing a shot. Are you the pirate I've read about or not? How did you escape last time?"  

          Then again, this _is_ my type of girl.  Someone has been doing quite a bit of homework lately… yes, I did do those things… hehe, I remember that.  Bloody funny, too, watching the expressions on the faces of those agents… still remember like it was yesterday.  

            But first, before any cozying with Elizabeth, I must find the rum.  And if she still expected me to come up with some grand escape, then that would have to be set straight.  I'm not some freaking magician… just a bloody lucky pirate.  A damn good handsome lucky pirate with wit and charm and… 

            Ahem.  As I was saying…

            "Last time…I was here a grand total of three days, alright? Last time…" Aha!  I found it!  The trapdoor!  Now, if all goes as planned, Lizzie would simply fall into my arms in her drunken stupor, seeing as how we're both going to drink ourselves silly, and in the morning she'll kill me, so I'll be dead and have nothing to worry about.  At least I'll die with an angel in my arms… but first, I must continue my sentence.  

            "…the rumrunners used this island as a cache. Came by and I was able to barter a passage off. From the looks of things, they've long been out of business. Probably have your bloody friend Norrington to thank for that."  Yea, that stupid prick.  I never thought weasels like that could do much harm, but as it turns out, I was wrong… he wasn't just useless.  

            I brought out two bottles of rum from the trapdoor, and for a moment, I considered drinking both, but hey, the plan would be ruined.  

            "So that's it then? That's the secret grand adventure of the infamous Jack Sparrow? You spent three days lying on a beach, drinking rum?!"  Lizzie said.  It was like… whoa.  Lot's of hostility in that one little sentence, and her respect for me dropped a couple of notches… like, all the way into the negatives… but, maybe getting her drunk would still do the trick.  And being annoying wouldn't hurt.  

            But she was wrong.  I didn't spend three days lying on a beach drinking rum.  What does she take me for?  I'm not that stupid!  I spent three days lying in a _trapdoor drinking rum.  If I had been on the beach, then I would have forgotten the location of the trapdoor.  Ha!  I am Captain Jack Sparrow, and with my superior knowledge, I decided to stay in the trapdoor so I could find it once again and drink myself silly.  When you're depressed it doesn't hurt to be up to your eyebrows in alcohol.  _

            In my quirky, annoying and incredibly charming way, I said "Welcome to the Caribbean, love."  And I handed her the other bottle.  

            Now, I'm not sure if I remember correctly how everything happened.  I built a fire with my superior knowledge, because of course Elizabeth was getting cold, and then… we sang a song.  

            "_We're devils and black sheep and really bad eggs. Drink up me 'earties yo ho! Yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me."  Oh, I love that song.  It's like… if they were to write a song about me, Captain Jack Sparrow that would be it.  Except, of course, the woman singing it would be in one of the inns at Tortuga, totally drunk and naked, standing in front of me.  Yea… hehe, what I wouldn't give… maybe I could persuade… whatever her name is… she's really not wearing that much… soaking wet and see through… loving the view here.   _

            Whatever his name is… Bills son, he wouldn't like that much though.  Not that I'll ever see him again… what's his face.  

            "I love this song! Really bad eggs! Woo." I said, sitting on the sand and grinning at… her.  "When I get the Pearl back, I'm gonna teach it to the whole crew and we'll sing it all the time!"  But to tell you the truth, I'm not too sure about that… my crew… well, I can't exactly see Anamaria or Gibbs singing… scratch that, I just _don't _want to see them singing.  

            "And you'll be positively the most fearsome pirate in the Spanish Main."  Elizabeth said, settling next to me.  Oh, she was warm… and singing my songs too.  That whole respect thing was going again… of course it could just be the rum… what a magical drink… turns even the most respectable ladies into honest, caring people, willing to bare their souls.  But I just drink it because it's pretty good.  

            "Not just the Spanish Main, love, the entire ocean, the entire wo'ld. Wherever we want to go, we'll go, that's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails that's what a ship needs but what a ship is…what the Black Pearl really is…is freedom."  

            Yeah.  And sometimes it makes you say things that you wouldn't tell just any old person.  But maybe she would lighten up a little bit… if she understood… 

            Or maybe I'm just a softie.  Who bloody cares?  

            "Jack, it must be really terrible for you to be trapped on this island." She said.  Finally, she understood how much I had to go through… yes, she was so close… just a little drunker, and she would be mine…  hahaha, you know how it's funny when the sky get's dark and the clouds go all… freaky?  I never noticed that before… well, maybe once… 

            Oh yeah, Elizabeth.  That was her name… I wonder if it's still her name?  Pretty name… wait, I was supposed to say something… what did she just say?             "Oh, Yes."  I said, putting my arm around her and thinking back to what she had just said.  Hoping that I had made some sense.  At all.  Probably not though, knowing me… I'm so annoying, hehe.  Now, back to seducing Elizabeth.  Where was I?  "But the company is infinitely better than last time, I think. And the…the scenery has definitely improved."  You got that right… I wonder if she noticed how little she was wearing?  Oh, rum is oh so much fun…

            "Mr. Sparrow , I'm not entirely sure that I've had enough rum to allow that kind of talk."  She said.  Drat it.  Foiling my plans.  And it's Captain Sparrow, not mister Sparrow, _luv…_I wonder what's she thinks of me… I'm such a dashing rogue, how could I not be irresistible… unless… *gasp* maybe she was attracted to me before, and then rum turned it around?  Oh, no, oh no, oh no, oh, oh, oh… 

            "I know exactly what you mean, love."  

          "To freedom."  Elizabeth said, raising her… bottle.  Now, this was my kind of toast… but somehow, I felt like it needed something… 

            "To the Black Pearl."  I said.  Yeah, that was definitely what it needed… my Pearl couldn't be left out of any conversation.  Or sentence for that matter… I need to shoot something right about now.  Too bad Elizabeth would go nuts and kill me before she had the chance to die.  

            Actually, that wouldn't be that bad… hahahahaha, I can see it now…

            Darkness.  

            ***~***

            Woke up in the morning.  Smelled smoke.  Rum flavored smoke.  Actually, that's not a bad smell…

            Whoa. Wait a second.  What… 

            Oh, no.  

            "No! Not good! Stop! Not good! What are you doing? You burned all the food, the shade, the rum!"  NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO… STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID… Jack, that was a very, very stupid thing to do… never, ever do anything like that ever again, falling asleep with a beautiful pyromaniac beside you…

            "Yes, the rum is gone."  She said, just calmly sitting there… oh, I was going to kill her… NO!  No, bad Jack, don't think about things like that.  

            "Why is the rum gone?"  

          "One, because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two, that signal is over a thousand feet high. The entire Royal Navy is out looking for me, do you really think that there is even the slightest chance that they won't see it?"  YES!  I do think they won't see it, Ms. Perfect!  Oh, no, no, no… that wasn't even a reason!  She could've… burnt… her dress!  Yes, that would be wonderful, because either she would have to walk around naked, or throw herself into the fire, or both, and then I'd be rid of her… hehe, actually that's quite nice to think about.  

            No, Jack.  Stop making things worse.  

            "But why is the rum gone?"  I asked her, hardly believing this was happening.  When did she get to be such a prick?  She bloody deserves Norrington… and they can go and have all their Norringbeth babies and live happily ever after… or… something babies, I don't know that guys first name.  I'm sure it's something prick-ish.  Not like Jack… what a good name.    Yeah.  

            "Just wait, Captain Sparrow. You give it one hour, maybe two, keep a weather eye out and then you will see white sails on that horizon."  She said, in that you-know-I'm-right way that made me want to kill something.   I fumbled with getting out the pistol, aimed it at her head, and was about to shoot… oh, how I wanted to shoot her and… NO!  NO, NO, NO, JACK, PUT THE GUN DOWN!  PUT IT DOWN!  PUT IT AWAY! Yeah, that's good, just, put it back and walk away… go find a bird or something to shoot… yes, Jack, that's right, just… walk away…  

            "Must've been terrible for you to be trapped here, Jack. Must've been terrible for you… Well it bloody is now!"  Yes, that's what she said, that little… oh, I have to shoot something, must… hurt… something… oh… oh, no… what is that in the distance?  Don't tell me it's… I will never be able to look at her again.  I should just… shoot myself now, to get over that glance she's going to give me… I-told you so…

            "There'll be no living with her after this."  

A/N So, what did you think?  Should I do more?  Not funny enough?  I think my other one was better, you should read that instead…


	2. being hung

A/N I do not own anything out of this story.  At all.  *sighs*  I don't understand why we have to continue going over this again and again and again and again… next time I'm just going to write 'disclaimer,' and you'll understand what it means.  Or else…

            Anywho, I would like to thank all my reviewers...: D thanks!  A big shout to **nobodyinparticular… my first flame!  Yay!  Well, not necessarily 'yay,' because it was a flame, but there's always something about the first flame that just makes you give a big sigh of relief… I'm like, holding my breath, because when I finally get a flame, it's not as bad as I thought.  Yeah, to be honest with you, I really want to say thanks for that flame, because I know that it's true… I got that feeling too as I was writing it and I'll try to make this chapter better.  See, I had to stick to the script because otherwise it wouldn't have been that scene in the movie, which makes no logic sense, but I figure that the more talking, the less creative I can be.  I'll try and work on that.  **

And thanks for saying I have talent… : D

            Ok, I've decided to do, this time, the scene at the end where Jack is going to be hung… so enjoy.
    
       Oh, and for those of you who were going to comment on the word 'prick,' I looked it up on the fanfiction dictionary, and the first definition is "insulting terms of address for people who are stupid or irritating or ridiculous" 
    
    Hehe, kinda fits… 

***~***

            So, here I am.  Waiting to die.  Yep.  I'm so excited.  

            There's a lot of people here.  That's actually quite sick to think about, saying to all your friends "I know, lets go watch the pirate die, that'll be fun, what a nice way to spend the afternoon!"    

            Hmmm… actually sounds like something I would say…

            But that's just me.  I mean, you have to figure I'm pretty special… look at how everyone is just… staring… at me… 

            Is it just me or is it really hot today?  

            There are a lot of people here.  

            Now, how am I going to escape?  

            Maybe I won't escape… 

            That's a scary thought.  

            But of course, I can't die… all these people are here because they want to see some amazing escape, not to see me be hung… 

            Oh, how hard it is, to be entertainment… the pressure… *sigh* I might as well be enjoyable.  Whatever happened to being able to enjoy one last meal before you die?  I would just choose rum… 

            But then again, I'm not going to die, so it doesn't really matter…

            Hey, there's Elizabeth!  She seems… worried… I would be worried too, if I had to marry that prick standing near her… yeah, my best wishes to the two of you, live happily ever after… don't let me ruin your conscience, _Mr. Prick…_

I wonder where dear William is?  He'd better get here soon, or I might decide to die after all, just to spite him.  

            Are there children in this audience?  That's a little wrong… they should at least be made to cover their eyes… I wouldn't want them to soak up any ideas from the miraculous escape I'm going to make…

            Speaking of which, what kind of miraculous mistake… I mean, escape should I make?  I wonder where the Pearl is now… now matter, they'll be back… everyone loves Captain Jack Sparrow!  

            Maybe I could just sort of… like, run over there and jump off the battlement and then…

            Yeah, I could do it.  If I felt like it.  But I don't… feel like killing all of those guards single-handedly… I _could _do it though.If I felt like it.  

            I can do anything!  Actually, I'm pretty sure that I can… it may sound strange, but I can screw up royally and somehow everything always works out just the way I want it to.  

            Yeah.  That's what's going to happen.  

            Any minute now, all these people will just drop dead of sickness or something and I'll get really lucky and be able to just walk away unharmed.  

            It _could happen.  _

            Oh, look, it's starting.  That stupid looking officer over there is about to start reading all my crimes… I sure hope they forget to mention that time that…

            "Jack Sparrow, be it known that you have…"

            Oh, dang it, figure that people like that will get everything wrong.  You know what?  I think they're doing that just to make me mad.  That's not very nice, mates…

            "Captain, Captain Jack Sparrow."  I reminded them oh so politely, but somehow, I think nobody cared.  Their loss.  They'll all be worshipping my feet someday, after my miraculous escape… which I haven't decided on yet.  

            "…for your willful commission of crimes against the crown."  It's not that I have a problem with the crown, it's that I have a problem with _you.  _Why is it that I can steal a whole bunch of stuff and make fun of a whole bunch of people, and apparently I've been stealing from the crown and making fun of the crown… I've never even met the freaking crown!

            "…impersonating an officer of the Spanish royal navy…" Well, it worked, didn't it?  Pretty well, too, they had no idea until the very last moment…

            "… impersonating a cleric of the church of England…"  Hehe, so they remembered that one, did they?  People take all that church stuff so seriously…one of my finest moments… well, I can't resist pointing that out, can I?  Bloody a lot of fun, which was.  I accidentally interrupted what the guy was saying… but it's not my problem if this hanging takes longer than it's supposed to… sorry to postpone teatime for you nice respectable people…

            "…sailing under false colors, arson, kidnapping, looting, poaching, brigandage, pilfering, depravity, depredation and general lawlessness."  Well, obviously all of that stuff… but he's going too fast!  Isn't this supposed to be the time when my whole life flashes before my eyes, and I revel in all the bloody brilliant stuff that I did?  How am I supposed to remember anything if you're just spitting it all out, like it was a crime or something!  Oh, and way to be creative with the wording, those are all the same things only with long words.  Why don't you just call it faking stuff, stealing stuff, messing with stuff, stealing people, stealing more stuff, looking stupid… I mean, you don't have to sound like a prick _all the time…_

          "And for these crimes you have been sentenced to be on this day, hung by the neck until dead. May God have mercy on your soul."  

            Why thank you.  I'll tell him you said that.  I've heard he is a merciful person.  

            Oh, I see Will now… walking through the crowd… my, my, you would think he could be just slightly inconspicuous… what is he _wearing?  _It's rather nice…

            Now they're putting on the noose.  

            I've always wondered about that… when rope is sitting on the ground, in a coil, it's called rope… when it's used on my ship, it's called a line, but when it's about to cause a death, it's called a noose.  

            Sort of like when a man is wearing a big red coat, you can call him commodore, but when he wears a big red P you call him pirate.  

            Psst… the one in the big red coat is the one that causes the death, not me.  

            I see… a parrot.  What wonderful timing.  Oh, how lucky can I get?  I've always hated birds, personally, because they are simply a nuisance… leaving disgusting presents on your hat, but this parrot, _cottons parrot… _he's more than welcome to take a dump on my hat as long as it means my Pearl is around here somewhere…

            What is Elizabeth _doing? _Fainting like that…

Oh… that.  Well… smart… smart female… no matter how evil she may be… 

            Drums… any second now… yeah, Will, now would be a good time for you to help me out here… 

            _Whoa…can't breathe… *gasp*  _

            Ah… good old Will… thanks mate, knew that little trick would come in handy… But will you _hurry up!  _I sure hope you made this sword right, because if it snaps then I'll tell God you're a bad person when I see him.  

            That would be very bad, mate.  

            Hurry up!  Quit showing off and cut me loose, you don't need to spear every person in the place with your cute little sword…

            Well, _finally!  I never thought I'd be cut loose… _

            You know, I've always hated ropes.  Nasty things, give you burns and they are very dangerous.  

            Whoa, I think I deserve some credit here.  I just hung from a rope for like, ten seconds, and now I'm expected to kill all you little guys in your cute little coats?  

            I'll be glad to!  I deserve a little bit of fun… I'm pretty sure I do, I mean… having to listen to pricks talk about all the great stuff you've done like it was a bad thing kinda gets your energy up… 

            Now, there are soldiers all around us… lead by the king of pricks himself, Commodore Norrington… well, at least he gets Elizabeth now.  Will is doomed already.  I always hated that guy.    Not really though… he's just an idiot, that's all.  When has he been anything but useless?

            Not counting the time that Elizabeth and I were rescued off that island.

            Or when the mutinous crew of the Black Pearl attacked.  

            Oh, never mind.  I didn't say any of that stuff.  

            "I thought we might have to endure some manner of ill conceived escape attempt but not from you."  The king of pricks says, and once again I have no idea what he is talking about.  I came up with the plan, thank you very much… Will was just… reading my mind, and… stuff.  

            "On our return to Port Royal, I granted you clemency and this is how you thank me? By throwing in your lot with him? He's a pirate!"  The governor, dear old Lizzie's daddy says.   Now, this I can't understand… he says pirate like it's a bad thing… well, I know something about him that's even worse… I mean, to be named Weatherby… aren't you just asking to be made fun of?  It's a little pathetic… he thinks _I'm_ a bad example… I would hate to be so deluded.

            "And a good man." Will says.  He's talking about me… did everyone notice that, how he was talking about me?  That's right, I'm a good man… everyone bow down to the good man…

            And then Mr. Prick has to throw in his little self-righteousness I-better-than-you-are, pirate speech, and Eunuch has to throw back a calm, witty retort, and Miss. Evil Rum-burner has to back it up so he won't be killed… really, people, could we just tone this down?  All I want is to get out of here… could everyone move just a little to the left so I have a clear field?  

            And now Elizabeth is doing her little I-hate-you-prick-and-I-love-Will thing, and really, I could care less… there's the parrot, I see the parrot!  

            Now, it's time for me to step in with a little witty banter.  

            I mean, they used long words, so now it's my turn, right?  

            "Well! I'm actually feeling rather good about this." _So allow me to bore you with some mindless babble while I escape… "_I think we've all arrived at a very special place, eh? Spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically?"  _Does anyone know what I just said? "I want you to know that I was rooting for you, mate. Know that."  __Sure I was… you deserve that sassy rum hater… "Elizabeth …it would never have worked between us, darling. I'm sorry."  _Of course it would never have worked… rum hater… but the look on her face… ha, I'm pure brilliance… "_Will …nice hat."  __No, seriously, I'm going to have to get me one of those… "Men! This is the day that you will always remember as the day that you…"   __Oops… well, that went rather well… _

I'm alive, aren't I?  

            Right…  

            Any minute now, I'll be in the water…

            This is taking awhile…

            There it is… 

            And there's that parrot…

            And there's my Pearl… 

            Bliss…

A/N I still feel like I haven't done so well with this… I dunno maybe I should just drop the script and keep to writing my own stuff, y'know?  Well, review and tell me if this totally sucks or it's absolutely brilliant… = D I'm waiting!


	3. Skeletal

**A/N Hello all my wonderful reviewers!  (If there is any of you left out there reading this) I've finally decided to update… consider yourselves lucky!  My dad took away my computer so I have to use my brothers.  In secret.  But let's not dwell on that painful subject, shall we? Here is your update.  I've decided to do the scene on Isle De Muerta where Jack turns into the skeleton for the first time. (On request, mind you.) Oh, and I'm sorry this is short.  I'm kind of in a rush because my brother will be home soon.  **

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn't really expect anything to happen.  In fact, I knew that he wouldn't be affected at all when I thrust my sword into him… aren't I smart?  But hey, it was worth a try.  But when he sighed like that… yea, that sigh sorta took all the cocky I-won-and-you-didn't right out of me.  

            But I can't say it was all gone.  That's right, I still have some.  Don't you worry, darlin'.    

            But then he pulled it out of his own chest and shoved it into my gorgeous muscular and incredibly sexy chest.  

            I sure hope it doesn't leave a scar.  Not another one… then again, it might just add to the sexiness, like with the gunshot scars.  

            But the weirdest thing is… I can't feel it. The sword I mean.  Barbossa looks awfully smug… I think he's actually enjoying watching me die, the sick bastard!  

            Then again… I think I would enjoy watching him die… hehe, yeah.  

            I don't really feel like dying.  I don't feel any different than I did two minutes ago.   It's curious.  Normally, when somebody does something to hurt you, it hurts.  

            But of course, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow… I'm invincible!  

            Of course, the thrust of the blow… you must understand… I stumble backward into the moonlight, and suddenly I feel a lot lighter.  Is it possible to lose weight in a millisecond?  I mean, I'm barely skin and bones!  I'm not even skin and bones, I'm just bones!  

            This is very interesting… 

            Oh now I remember.   The coin… the shiny, shiny coin… so pretty.  

            I'm… dead?  

            Haha, I'm the un-dead.  

            The Immortal Captain Jack Sparrow.  It does have a nice ring…

            Captain Jack Sparrow, the Immortal.  

            Captain Sparrow, the Immortal Jack.  

            Captain Immortal, the Jack Sparrow.  

            Immortal Captain Jack Sparrow, the.  

            Hehe.  What about… The Captain Immortal Jack the Sparrow.  

            The Sparrow Captain Jack Immortal…

            How many combinations of this can I make? It's actually quite amusing…

            But… wait.  If I'm a skeleton… what if I can never again have a pleasant night with a whore?  What happens to all my unborn children that I will never know about anyways?  And… 

Oh no.  What if I can never drink rum again?  

Oh my. 

This is awful.  Simply awful.   My two favorite pastimes are being taken from me just because I saw something shiny and just HAD to take it.  

You know, being a skeleton isn't very sexy… I think that the only person who could possibly still look remotely sexy as a skeleton would have to be me.  I mean… look at me, I'm still… well…

Dammit I don't want to be a skeleton anymore.  

            Of course, there are the good things too…

            Wait, wait…

            No there aren't.  Nevermind.  But wait, I can do this awesome trick!  *flips coin over knuckles, like in the movie*

            Haha, that rules!  

I don't quite think it is worth it, though.  

It isn't exactly inconspicuous, though… I would never be able to walk down the streets in Tortuga at midnight again.  Too much staring and questions, too much attention drawn to myself.  

Not that that's a bad thing…

I can't really imagine trying to pick up a gal on a street corner when I look like this.  I wonder how much that would cost me… four shillings instead of the usual two?  That might seem like a cheap price, but hey, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow.  You think it's hard for me to get a whore?  

Well it will be now… 


End file.
